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Official Announcement:
The federal government today announced that it is changing its emblem to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

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JPMorgan: Hey, We’re Still Making Money Over Here

Posted by alyx under jamie dimon
No Comments


Not WaMu, nor Bear, nor crunching of credit can stop Jamie Dimon and J.P. Morgan (JPM) from reporting a profit!

Third quarter earnings per share came in at 11 cents, which doesn’t beat what was expected for this quarter originally (37 cents) but certainly beats the pants off analysts’ revised estimates (which were for a loss of 21 cents). However, they missed on revenue ($14.74 bn vs expected $16 bn). But hey, in this climate, if you can beat on earnings even on lower revenue, I gotta withhold the vitriol. They took another $3.6bn in in writedowns, which brings their subprime-slime writedown total to just over $12bn. That’s about 1/4 of what Citigroup (C) has written off.

Much like everyone, Dimon fears forecasting:

“Given the uncertainty in the capital markets, housing sector and economy overall, it is reasonable to expect reduced earnings for our firm over the next few quarters,” Jamie Dimon, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, said in a press release.

“However, with a total loan loss allowance of $19 billion (including Washington Mutual) and an 8.9% Tier 1 capital ratio, we feel well-positioned to handle the turbulent environment and, most importantly, to continue to invest in our businesses and serve our clients well,” Dimon added.

Something tells me they can’t keep Magic 8-balls in stock in the toy stores in New York City these days, what with nobody being able to put together a financial model for Q4. I just asked mine what it saw for JPM for Q4 ‘08 and for ‘09 and it is like, ask again later. Hey, keeping with the glass half full theme, at least that’s not a bearish assessment!

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dreams VS reality

Posted by fabric

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New York Glams Up in 'W' Premiere




myanti posted 10 hours ago from www.aceshowbiz.com [flag] On Tuesday, October 14, Lionsgate Films present their forthcoming biopic about U.S. President George W. Bush from filmmaker Oliver Stone. [link]

http://showhype.com/story/new_york_..._in_w_premiere/

http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00019077.html

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Wed 15 Oct 2008

Pay No Attention To The Tank Parked By The Door

Posted by alyx under Uncategorized
1 Comment


WallStreetFighter is liveblogging from the NYSE today, and has noticed that both Optimus Prime and a nondescript military vehicle are paying the exchange a visit.

Okay, okay, Navistar is ringing the bell today, and is probably just showing off some stuff outside. But you have to ask yourself - is that tank just another Navistar project, or is something more nefarious going on? Is it crammed with dollars that Hank Paulson is forcing upon America’s venerable financial institutions? Could be Treasury’s way of enforcing that even if you might not want ‘em to make a direct investment and take a stake in you, you’re gonna get it anyway. As Erik Skiles emailed me:

It makes me think Paulson will use the Army’s 1st Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division (currently deployed to the homeland) to deploy to Wall Street and conduct a hostile take-over of banks, to include kicking down Vik’s door and forcing him to take a suitcase full of cash. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any images of Vik being assaulted by the 3rd ID.



Or, it could just be an innocuous MRAP, with its new smaller turning radius ideal for mountain roads in Afghanistan and tedious NYC traffic… either/or. But “monetary deployment” just has this great ring to it, you know?

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Truth? Where? (Why Credit is Locked)

Hattip Calculated Risk:

"Meredith Whitney: I just want to be clear in terms of the decline in originations on your mortgage portfolio, was that more credit based or in terms of tightening underwriting standards or LIBOR challenge?

Jamie Dimon: The origination business, and I think it's true for a lot of people in the industry, Meredith, people have gone back to old fashioned 80% LTV, real verified income, more disciplined appraisals, and then in some areas they won't even go to 85% LTV because of expected home decreases so we are not at 85% in California, Nevada, or Florida we're at 65. So that's why it's down. I think it's true for us and everybody else. Almost everything being originated is eligible for Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, or FHA. So therefore you have this great reduction. Obviously the quality of that stuff is going to be much higher."

The response from someone in the loan closing business on my board:

"Umm, Jamie, I close your loans....you lying sack of ***t "

And we wonder why the credit markets are locked up?

A better question is why Jamie Dimon isn't locked up.

The automated-underwriting game is alive and well, as are high-DTI loans with all the agencies.......



.....Your latest "intervention" was good for one hour worth of rocket ride higher, and now we are down 350 points on the DOW - again - and its only 10:00 CT. At this rate in another 30 days or so the market will be at zero - it can't go lower than zero, right?America is tired of the lies Hank and Ben, and we're tired of you covering for and giving our money to the liars.

Cut it out NOW while we still have an economy and financial system left to rescue.

Oh, my anecdotal evidence on LOCs is no longer anecdotal. This is precisely the sort of disruption that, if not cured immediately, can lead to empty store shelves:

"``Letters of credit and the credit lines for trade currently are frozen,'' Khalid Hashim, managing director of Precious Shipping Pcl, Thailand's second-largest shipping company, said in Singapore yesterday. ``Nothing is moving because the trader doesn't want to take the risk of putting cargo on the boat and finding that nobody can pay.'' "

Cut it out H-h-h-h-Hank.

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SEC says it is OK to LIE!

-> Posted by floridagold @ 15:44 pm on October 15, 2008
SEC Clears U.S. Banks to Delay Writedowns on Some Securities
By Jesse Westbrook and Ian Katz

Oct. 15 (Bloomberg) — The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission agreed to back an effort by banks that may delay writedowns on some securities tied to losses that have cost companies more than $640 billion.

Banks in certain cases may account for perpetual preferred securities as debt, allowing them to postpone writing down their value, SEC Chief Accountant Conrad Hewitt wrote in a letter yesterday to Financial Accounting Standards Board Chairman Robert Herz. Hewitt’s interpretation can be used immediately, as companies prepare quarterly financial reports.

“This is really good news,” Donna Fisher, senior vice president for tax and accounting at the American Bankers Association, said in an interview. “We are making some headway. The SEC is recognizing that there are problems in the rules.”

The SEC’s interpretation may help resolve a debate over accounting for the securities, which are issued without maturity dates. Auditors have determined the securities should be treated as equity and banks sought to count the assets as debt. Banks can treat them as debt “if there has been no evidence of deterioration in the credit of the issuer,” such as a decline in cash flows from the investment or a downgrade in the security’s rating below investment grade, Hewitt wrote.

SEC spokesman John Nester declined to comment beyond the content of the letter.

The treatment of perpetual preferred securities is part of a broader discussion on so-called fair-value rules, which lawmakers and companies including Deutsche Bank AG have blamed for exacerbating the credit crisis. Proponents, including FASB, say fair-value adds to transparency and gives investors more information about publicly traded companies.

As part of a $700 billion package the U.S. Congress passed this month letting the Treasury buy mortgage securities and stakes in banks, the SEC must study the impact fair-value has on financial institutions. FASB agreed Oct. 10 to offer companies guidance on valuing assets in inactive markets, without changing the current rule.

To contact the reporters on this story: Jesse Westbrook in Washington at jwestbrook1@bloomberg.net; Ian Katz in Washington at ikatz2@bloomberg.net.

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Market Summary

^HUI4:17PM ET231.32 26.85 10.40%

Dow 8,577.91-733.08-7.87%

Nasdaq 1,628.33-150.68-8.47%

S&P 500 907.84-90.17-9.03%




...toller rescue plan

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hmmmm......da flattern einem nur noch die Ohren



Posted by honey

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Bund beteiligt sich an UBS

Aktualisiert vor 3 Minuten 35 Kommentare

Der Bundesrat beteiligt sich mit 6 Milliarden Franken an der UBS. Ausserdem lagert die Bank 68 Milliarden Franken an schlechten Risiken aus.

Artikel zum Thema

• UBS-Investmentbanking mit Verlusten
• So retten die Staaten die Banken
• Finanzkrise: Doris Leuthard bezeichnet die Schweiz als «Trittbrettfahrerin»

Trotz gegenteiliger Beteuerungen in den letzten Tagen und Wochen greift der Bundesrat nun aktiv ins Finanzsystem ein. Mit einem umfangreichen Massnahmenpaket soll das System stabilisiert werden.


ganzer Artikel: http://www.tagesanzeiger.ch/wirtsch...71334#kommentar

Herr Paulson wird sich die Finger lecken da haben doch die tollen Schweizer seinen (als allgemein unmoralisch abgelehnten) Plan in die Tat umgesetzt es ist nicht zu fassen

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...bin mal gespannt was JESSE heute kommentiert - dieser Bericht ist von gestern

UBS Über Alles


Lose so much in your own trading book that people become afraid and seek your advice
for their private wealth management. Nice corporate strategy.

Hubris? Or would it be just a case of "prétention démesurée?"



UBS says crisis vindicates own bank model
Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:33pm EDT

GENEVA (Reuters) - Switzerland's UBS the world's largest wealth manager, said its advice-driven, global banking business model will be a winner as others failed or were rescued by governments during the global financial turmoil.

UBS was hit early on in the crisis and has announced more write-downs on toxic assets than any other European bank.

"It's never been more obvious to clients that they need advice. This is going to be the proof to our business model," Juergen Zeltner, who heads UBS' wealth management operations in North, Central and Eastern Europe, told the Reuters Wealth Management Summit.
UBS has not given up on investment banking despite huge losses on the business and instead has divided its operations into three separate divisions -- wealth management, investment banking and asset management -- to boost transparency.

Banks which heavily relied on investment banking revenues, such as Lehman Brothers, have either gone bust or needed rescues via forced mergers or government aid.

"I strongly feel that the transparency that we put in place was well appreciated," Zeltner said.

Still, Zeltner said the damage to UBS' reputation from the huge losses in its investment banking division was obvious and had resulted in client outflows. The bank will report third quarter results on November 4.

"We lost trust. We do know that there was substantial damage and that will take years to rebuild," he said.

UBS recapitalized itself earlier than any other bank, before the deepening of the crisis in September, and is now in a position to exploit opportunities in markets where other players have failed, such as the United States, he said. (You'll have to compete with our 'national champions' who are getting their subordinated distress funding from the US Treasury - Jesse)
"The crisis gives us unique opportunities in the United States," Zeltner said.

"We want to grow and build market share."


Posted by Jesse at 6:00 PM

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UBS N SWL 09:06:47 18.35 20.08 -1.73 -8.62%

UBS momentan grösster Verlierer beim SMI - die Aktionäre scheinen mehr Anstand zu haben als unsere Nationalbank und die Regierung


...na ja - mittlerweile waren sie auch schon die grössten Gewinner

jetzt UBS N SWL 11:49:32 20.2 20.08 +0.12 +0.60%

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